


for the sake of hockey

by arsonandhockeysticks



Series: the grittening [1]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Not Canon Compliant, no beta we die like men, the grittening
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:20:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28328145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arsonandhockeysticks/pseuds/arsonandhockeysticks
Summary: Something is happening with Gritty, the hockey gods start a quest to figure out what is happening
Series: the grittening [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2092602
Comments: 12
Kudos: 16





	for the sake of hockey

**Author's Note:**

> sorry if this isn't the best, I wrote it in under an hour with no plan at all. (Spelling of Phill may vary)

. The grittening was coming. Everyone could tell. There was a feeling of it in the air. The slight shives in the air felt like you were in the same room just after Jesse from bardown had just finished yelling LETSS GOOO! The eldritch god that lived in the land of philadelphia, a city feared for its awe inspiring weirdness and complete chaos.  
The state of Pennsylvania started to prepare. Fear was struck into the hearts of any and all pens fans in both Pittsburgh and all around the country. They could tell by the power that Sidney Crosby’s Ass invested in them as pens fans that something bad was going to happen. Once the Grittening hit, who knows what would happen to them.  
Claude Giroux, the captain of the flyers, fell into the role of the mouthpiece of the sleeping monster below the stadium. Every one had thought that the loveable chaos demon that was the gritty we all knew was gritty, unfortunately, everyone was wrong.  
With a bleak future ahead of the easter division, we set our scene. The Grittening at this point was days away. All news out of the Easter Conference was only trade rumors about chara, and if that giant example of prime man meat, had finally resigned with the bruins or had pulled a Jagr and become immortal.  
After seeing this desolate situation, the hockey gods decided that it was time to use their powers for good and send out their paladins to go venture into the wild that is the easter conference, but with one stipulation, that someone who had a brain that would be used would join the brave hockey men on their journey. Each hockey god, being a total of five, appointed a player to represent them.  
At last, the council of hockey gods appointed a nonhockey player to lead the party into the no mans land that is the easter conference. After hours of deliberation, the hockey gods told the world of their decision via a tweet from the mouthpiece of the hockey gods elliot Freedman, their decision to lead the party was the noted hockey pundit, with a voice that could entrance anyone, both god and mortal with his sonorus yelling, Steve Dangle. 

Steve leads his party of the greatest hockey players into the no mans land that is the easter conference. His party was made up of an interesting collection of players. Arguably the only other person on the mission with a brain was Marc-Andre Fleury. He used his magic goalie powers to see if the path in front of them was both clear and safe.  
Roope Hintz at first seemed like a detriment to the group, taking selfies in every elevator door that he could find, but in the end he did help the party, working with the goalie to clear out the rabid caps fans still trying to relive the glory that was their cup win.  
The third player of the wonder team was Matthew Tkachuk of the Calcover Flamenucks, his curls had powers that made any oilers fans stranded on the east coast tremble with fear.  
The fourth player who had been sent on this mission is Torey Krug. While his cruel departure from boston hurt all the fans there, his insider information of the division was invaluable.  
Last but not least, arguably the most important member of the team is Phill Kessel, his slap shot is legendary, his love of hot dogs, unparalleled. Phill is one of the wisest and most fear hockey men in all the land.  
With this star studded roster, steve is sure to succeed. 

The Journey to Philadelphia was long and treacherous. The crew had to face the likes of Brad Marchand and his tongue. The only way that they got out of that terrifying situation was steve going ballistic on him about all the leafs first round exits. After that the next trail they had to face was Tuukka Rask and his one skate blade. Flower had to both use his goalie mind tricks and his flower powers of photosynthesis to get out of that one. For this entire encounter, Torey Krug had to put himself in a patriots jersey to narrowly avoid the hatred of massholes.

The next team they had to face was the Rangers. That challenge was an easier one to face, all they had to do was say the name Henrik Lundqvist and the whole ranger team would break down in tears. The devils was a harder challenge, they had to fight through the crowd of puck bunnies, but lucky Matthew TKachuks curls saved them, his hair blined the girls with its beauty. The much much harder challenge was P.K. Suban. First the Steve team had to defeat Scubatnator and the P.K. Jagr to get to P.K. himself. Surprisingly, it was Roope who saved the day for this encounter. He and P.K. bonded over fashion, and roope even promised P.K. that they would go pants shopping together. The two hat fanatics also exchanged hats, Roope got a fadoria and p.k. A cowboy hat. The third new york team was much easier the islander were defeated quickly by steve ranting about how absolutely amazing john tavares is in toronto in their faces. 

Paradoxically, the next team, The Pundint Possy, faced the buffalo sabers. Jack Eichel didnt put up a fight, he just said that Gritty was acting stranger than normal. Normal for gritty is stranger than stange for most. So that was concerning. The one problem that they did have was Jeff Skinner briefly blinding phil with his dimples. Marc-Andre had to whip the emergency hotdog out of his goalie bag of all holding to revive him. 

The capitals were not that much of a challenge. Without braden Holtby and his flow they had not much to fear at all. All though Ovi did try to offer them some of his vodka. And Torey Krug had to be restrained to be stopped from fighting Tom Wilson. 

Finally, they had to face the most feared of opponents, before the flyers that is, the pens. The Pens had many assets as well as emotional ties for both Phill and Marc-Andre. There were many treacherous things with that team, Sidney Crosby and his Ass, and Geno and his Mayo. there was also the off chance that Mario Lamuexxexxsksksk and his mullet might make an appenece. 

The first challenge was the mayo, but phill beat that handley with his hotdogs. Tho Sidney Crosby’s Ass was a much harder challenge. Roope had to pull out his magic elevator Selfie powers to save the crew. To get the Ass to stop, he had to call up P.K. Subban for more fashion tips. Eventually Sidney Crosby’s Ass was subdued and the team finally made their way over to Philly and the Grittening. 

The team made their way into the great hall of Gritty’s place, that being the ice of the flyers area. Gritty was sitting on his throne, his eyes wobbling madly. Giroux sat beside Gritty in a chair that was comically small for his large frame. Both TK and Nolan Patric were also in the room but they were in the corner of the ice playing go fish and not at all important to our narrative.  
Steve approached the dias.  
“Oh Gritty of chaos, please tell us what we can do to stop the Grittening and save the eastern conference.” 

Gritty looked at the short man, his eyes wobbes some more before he leaned over to Giroux and made some small dog toy-like noises, Giroux nodded wisely to them.  
“The Great and mysterious Gritty has dained to tell you that the kraken, his greatest enemy has re emerged.” Giroux posed for dramatic effect and then went on. “He states, if you can promise him that you won't let the kraken take over the whole west coast he will end the Grittening.” 

Steve thought about this for a moment, and then, in a zamboni driver esque yell, started to rant about how amazing gritty is.  
As the crew left the throne room, brass bonanza played faintly in the background, the sound coming from everywhere and nowhere

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it!


End file.
